Okay, so no names here, and only general situations, but still with the disclaimer that any similarity to a real person is purely coincidental..........
I don't want to be a jackass to anyone. I want to be myself, and treat everyone the same, with kindness and an open heart, despite what many (the majority?) of my colleagues believe is the right way to act with clients, staff, etc. That is not my way, although maybe their way works for them. But, I have a hard time believing that those colleagues who treat their clients with equal contempt ever face the same stupidity and just plain "you've got to be kidding" situations that I face with about 1 out of 10 clients. We have a saying in our office, "You can't fix Stupid." I need to stop trying to fix stupid.
The standard, "You didn't tell me I had to pay you." is always good for a laugh. Then, there is the "That was not told to me," when the Attorney Fee Agreement they sign has a place for them to initial after every paragraph to ensure that they read each paragraph before they initial it. Then, in response to reminding them about that, "Oh, I didn't read it. . ."
The others that are pretty delightful and entertaining:
* You were supposed to let me read the Order to proof it before you signed off on it to send it to the Judge because I took notes, too, and that Order is not what my notes say.
* My Father was in the Courtroom all the time and that is not what my husband/wife said.
* You never asked the questions I told you to ask.
* Why didn't you OBJECT????
* You didn't tell me I couldn't have a girlfriend/boyfriend
Q: Do you recall our first consultation when I asked you if your spouse's allegation that you committed adultery was true, and you said "No?"
* You didn't tell me I had to pay child support
Q: Do you recall when we sat down together and you told me that you did not want custody of your kids, and that you were okay with paying to support your kids?
* You didn't tell me why my child support is so much
Q: Do you recall giving me your income information, your spouse's income information, and the time we sat down with that information and I explained the Excel Spreadsheet I did while you sat there, printed it out, and explained the top, middle and bottom lines to you? And, do you recall my question then, "Do you understand this, or do you need me to explain it differently?"
Q: So, Mr. Smith. You have a problem with how your ex disciplines the kids and you want to change visitation because they abuse the kids. How do you discipline the kids, then?
A: Well, I used to use a belt but the buckle left a bruise, so I switched to a 2 x 4.
(Honest, Abe. This is a true one.)
* My husband says that you get scared when things don't go your way and when you aren't going to win, so that must be why you haven't contacted his lawyer and why this is taking so long. Now I am really scared because that must be why you haven't done anything.
Q: Why are you suddenly listening to your husband? Isn't he the one who beat you up last week, and who has three girlfriends you just found out about, and who gave you VD? And, why are you talking to him when there is a restraining order in place? And, when was the last time you made a payment because our records don't show a payment on your payment agreement since last April. . .
* You have a serious problem getting back to your clients. I called 20 times today and no one called me back.
Q: Are you aware that 1) you have my e-mail address for a reason -- I gave it to you on that little white card you got the day you first consulted with me, and 2) we don't work on Saturdays.
More to come.......
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